Well, here we are! 2017! I'd love it if this was one of those blogs that was like "new year new me, I'm looking forward to the future," but really here I sit, my back still hurts from not going to the gym (bed sores?), watching My 600 lb Life and the Bagel Bites just came out of the oven, so I can't say much has changed. The weekend is here and I haven't finished this blog from last week yet so needless to say I'm really making changes in this new year…? In this post I hope you'll hop in the uber with me and head back to my place; we'll discuss how to dress for the club in the winter, uber horror stories, and my New Years memz. My brain still feels hollow after last weekend but lets get up, chug that pedialyte and let's get crackin!
It's 4 degrees out, it' New Years, but are you gonna actually wear a big bulky coat out to the clubs? Heck no! One thing I'll never do is pay for coat check or wait in a fucking line to get it, so what, tie it around your waist? I asked Dean if we should bring a coat and he said "oh ya, coat check on New Years sounds fun." Hold it and use it to slam through big crowds like a battering ram? Well, yes, BUT there's another option. Dress for the summer! Stop whining that it's so cold. Drink up, clench your jaw and deal with it. Just because it's chilly doesn't mean we shouldn't be cute. This number is a plaid button up from Top Shop with a jean jacket that I stole from my mom. I'm assuming it's Ann Taylor or Eddie Bauer. Pair it with some black jeans and you've got a look that's sufficiently sub-par. You'll notice how wrinkly my clothes are. I just got a steamer for Christmas so lets hope I won't look like a shriveled up twink in the new year. Let's HOPE. Wishes are for wishing.
Here I am lounging in the backseat of this Honda Civic/Toyota Camry whatever the fuck this car is, do you think I know cars?? Off to beautiful, sunny Rosemont, Illinois for the two day Reaction New Years Eve music festival: Gucci Mane, Dillon Francis, Flume, Tchami and a lot of other "artists" you probably haven't heard of if you don't own a fanny pack. My friend won tickets to this off some guy on Instagram whom we had seen at Queen once wearing a leather mask so we were 100% sure this was legit and not a trap. We were half way there and on the high way when I remembered that I left my credit card at home and had to turn around and get it. Tip: if you want to start the weekend off right and get your friends excited and ready to party, pull some stunt like this! They won't complain about it at all the whole 2 hours we were in the car! It was a long drive so I thought I'd kick up my feet and relax, and show off my brand spankin' new white Tommy Hilfiger shoes. Wearing white shoes in the winter can always be a gamble, but what better way to show off your spunky and risk taking attitude! I should add before and after pictures of these shoes now but let's just say they are SPOTLESS now. I'll mention that the Uber driver was recording us on his iPad face out so I hope we gave him some good content. You KNOW I fixed my hair at least 12 times in that camera.
The amount of times I've been filmed in an Uber might surprise you. I always ask if I'm being filmed for Cash Cab but I'm pretty consistently greeted with silence or "are you on coke?" I did have one driver ask me questions like we WERE on Cash Cab and get really mad when I got the answers wrong. As the ride continued, and he got more and more intense about these dumb questions, I realized that I was getting closer to waking up chained in a basement, which is a personal goal of mine. I mean, how could you feel more wanted than being shackled up by the ankle and kept like a pet. Somebody thinks I'm a CUTIE! Valentine's Day IS around the corner!
Let me set the scene for you. We've checked into our hotel room at Marriott Suites using my dad's Marriott points. He texted me that day and said "don't act sketchy because they'll think you're a drug dealer and they'll call the police and I'll lose my points." I'd say I was pissed he cares more about his points than his son going to jail but I get it, those points got us HOOKED UP. Day one of the festival went smoothy. We ditched a guy who wanted to hang out after but he was completely sober so my question is, what were we gonna do, have conversations? Play card games? We just arrived to day two of after having to bully our Uber driver to follow the GPS. This is the same Uber who asked if we were on coke BUT LET ME JUST SAY that he tried to turn left and get on the highway when the GPS directions were quite literally go straight and make no turns down one street so lets not throw stones in glass houses. The security guards at the pat down on day one were nice, cheery, jolly fellas. Day two, not so much. I loved ringing in the new year shakin' in my boots, getting ass tickled by a swat team. Hey, I never said I was a role model!
What I really don't understand is, how, after every festival my fingernails come out like I've been digging my own grave?? I added a screenshot of the Snapchat I took for reference, see below. Does this happen to anybody else?? I've googled and googled and tossed and turned trying to figure it out. DM me if you have any ideas.
So there it is! That's how I spent my New Years. Ya know, some people like gold dresses and champagne flutes and some like muddy fingernails. Different strokes! I hope everyone had a wonderful and SAFE New Years. Safety first, always.
May your buttons be as loose as your butt hole,
Love, Peacoats and Poppers