Here I sit on a Sunday night, frantically working on my blog because Alissa said to me this morning, "We haven't heard from Peacoats and Poppers lately." Did you miss me saying that I would put this blog out whenever I fucking want?? Does anybody even read this?? Hello?? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter anymore because this blog has become somewhat therapeutic for me. I get to talk about all the things I love to do, I get to take fun pictures in fun places and I can relive some of my favorite memories. A very hard thing to do, seeing as how my memory isn't quite like it used to be anymore. Today I thought I'd take you to a cute little hole in the wall called Goddess and the Baker after I took a SoulCycle class. How fucking basic is that?? The spin class would explain my shiny red face! That, or somebody needs to gift me a box of oil wipes for my birthday! It's coming up soon! ;)
After a weekend like this I definitely needed some R & R with my brain. On Friday night we went to what's quickly becoming our second home Concord Music Hall to see the DJ Borgeous. Listen to his song "Tsunami" while you're reading this, and then go get your ears checked cause you might start losing your hearing. God knows I can't hear shit. One thing that I've recently discovered is that I may have a slight case of early onset Alzheimers. Think Still Alice but more ravey and thotty. It's something that I've come to accept, along with my crooked pinky finger and my unwillingness to work out leading to bed sores. An app that I've come across is Lumosity and it's working wonders! You get to play these little games that are supposed to help your brain with retention, thought-processes and other shit like that. You can only play three games a day before they ask you to pay for a subscription which is something ridiculous like 10 dollars a month. I mean, I care about my brain, but not THAT much. (*I truly don't know if these Lumosity games are helping my brain but I'm looking for all the help I can get in that department so any suggestions y'all can throw at me I'll gladly take. Aside from the obvious…)
As I sat here at Goddess and the Baker I thought it would be fun to whip out a pen and a napkin and show you guys some of my smartz! The theme for this week really got me thinking about my time in school. An exemplary student, something I can honestly say I've never been. I remember asking my mom one time why I needed to learn math which she replied with something about how it would be important for my job when I grew up. I said, "but I'm gonna be famous so let's figure out a different excuse as to why I need to learn this shit." But I said it more 10-year-old-y. I will say that I was able to crank out a few good essays every now and then. One time in 6th grade my teacher failed my project because she thought that I plagiarized the entire thing. Which I just very much didn't and had to have my mom call and explain that she had watched me do the project so her accusations were v false. Personally, I think it was because I was a little homo boy in the Catholic school system and was a victim of a hate crime in that moment, but to each his own. That being said, I'm pretty sure I cheated on like 85% of tests. Honesty is the best policy you guys!
How my little shit for brains self got into any college is a miracle. Some of you might not know that I went to an acting conservatory in Boston for college, which explains my sparkling personality. I'll say this for the reputable Boston Conservatory, you don't learn shit about anything unless it has something to do with Zip Zap Zop or some bullshit musical. Ok that's harsh. I learned a lot about acting, that was great. But we read fucking Huck Finn in our liberal arts classes, like come the fuck on. We had to take these classes as a way for the school to give us some semblance of an education, they included, but were not limited to, classes such as History of Cinema (watched movies the whole time), Into the Wild (?????? couldn't tell you what this class was about), and a big doozy: Neuroscience. So fucking hard. Looking back on it now, and in the spirit of this blogs theme, I guess I should have payed attention more. Failed that one big time. Had to take an online course in Art History over the summer with a couple of my friends and I won't go into that but BOY was that a HOOT.
We've come to the story that I've been DYING to tell you, and it's a long one so bare with me. It's probably one of my favorite stories from college and I'd like to first and formally apologize to everyone involved, but mainly the teacher (who I won't name out of respect but I'm sure will rip my ass apart for telling this). Let me set the scene, it's second semester senior year so you know I already don't give a fuck at this point. My roommate Julie and I were looking for a class to take for our science credit, and one of our favorite teachers reached out with a new course he was teaching: Math and Music described, "how math influences and shapes music". "It'll be easy," he said. The very first day of class I can tell you I walked out of that room not knowing a SINGLE. FUCKING. THING. that he was talking about. Numbers, algorithms, division, fractions? This continued on throughout the entire semester. I'd finally faced a class that I couldn't cheat in because I quite literally did not know what anybody was talking about. Cut to the final project at the end of the semester, in which we were asked to, using math, build an instrument out of household materials. Sounds easy? Julie and I paired ourselves together, mistake number one as I wouldn't trust us to follow a map let alone build a guitar, which we had chosen for our instrument. I think it was two nights before it was due (might have been the night before but like I said, my memory isn't too sharp these days), that we decided wow, we have to get wood from the hardware store? We have to measure out rubber bands? No, no, too hard.
We concluded that instead we'd make a pan flute out of straws. Now, this, we definitely did the night before. We went and got a bunch of straws from Dunkin' Donuts along with two XL iced coffees (DUH DUNKIN ISNT THE SAME OUTSIDE OF BOSTON IT WAS LIKE CRACK TO US THEN). We sat in the living room for at least an hour trying to figure out how to do this, when we finally resorted to YouTube to find a video that would show us how. I've included the URL to the video for reference at the bottom of the blog. We needed to have a fully fleshed out power point that showed how we made the flute and most importantly, the math we used to make it. My then boyfriend Michael literally MADE UP the math. Shouted out some numbers for us. We wrote them down. That was what we put in the power point. When we got to class that day we were pretty freaked. We thought if only we can be charming and funny, maybe we'll skate by. I'll mention that the pan flutes didn't even FUCKING work. We got really scared when this girl came up with her homemade VIOLIN that she made from wood or some crap. However, shit really hit the fan when the two girls who's presentation was right before ours came up and showed the class their very functional, very factual slide show for the PAN FLUTE THEY MADE OUT OF PCP PIPE. It really felt like a personal attack when, during their presentation, they said, "A fun arts and crafts thing that you can do with your kids is make pan flutes out of straws!" And then proceeded to show THE SAME YOUTUBE VIDEO THAT WE USED TO MAKE THE FUCKING THING. Needless to say, we told a lot of jokes during the presentation. Success? I'm pretty sure our teacher passed us for the class with a note essentially saying "just get the fuck out of here." Sorry mom. Yikes.
Now, let's talk about this outfit. But do I have to? It's horrible. Honestly, horrible. Initially, I wanted to wear this patterned sweater vest over the blue button up. I got it while I was home in Kansas City and I thought it would be such a cute edition to my wardrobe to kinda class things up a bit. As soon as I put it on, however, my amazing and supportive friends nicely pointed out that I looked like Mr. Rogers. Did I say they were nice about it? JK, they were dicks. So here I stand, on the streets of Chicago, in an outfit that I didn't plan on, but I had to deal with. I'm so flexible! Do I look like my dad? I think I do. In fact, that's my dad's belt I stole. You'll recognize those shoes from my New Years post, and you don't have to look too closely to notice the grime that I said covered them. At this point they are v Pig Pen from Charlie Brown aesthetic. I actually love this jacket from REI I'm wearing, and totally forgot I had it but it's kind of Aspen-y don't you agree. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the stories from my younger years and this stupid outfit. Till next time!
May your buttons be as loose as your butt hole,
Love, Peacoats and Poppers
^^ Here you go guys!! Make your own straw pan flutes! In the words of those 12 year old girls Anissa and Morgan who killed their friend because Slenderman told her to do it, "Go ballistic!"